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2008-04-29 15:00:31 by archex
Updated

This is a story I wrote when I was bored.
I don't think that it is terrible and I know there may be some spelling and gramar mistakes so please don't comment to say that I have spelt something wrong.

This is just a brief epilouge kind of thing. If you guys like it I might try and turn it into an online book with chapters and stuff ( this is just an idea) so you can well....read it!
These are just basic ideas, charecters could change names or Kate might start working on a nuclear bomb instead of a bio-bomb.
Enjoy!

Kate rubbed her eyes with her wrists; she had been working at the British special service R&D laboratory since half-six that morning.
She glanced at the digital watch on her left wrist.
The face of her watch told her it was 11:42.
Kate let out a long sigh "god, quarter to twelve" she said to nobody in particular, although no one was there.
Kate turned to her computer she had to finish typing up a report on the bio-bomb that was being built underneath the British channel.
She opened up the folder containing the blueprints for the bomb.
So far her team had made progress and were well on schedule.
It had been a long hard journey for Kate from the protestors outside the germ lab with placards saying things like: TREAT HUMANS AS HUMANS and the newspapers with headlines such as DISEASE BOMB PUTTING POPULATION IN UNEASE BOMB.
She had laughed when she read the title.
Among the computer on Kate's desk there were various other things like folders and notes with scientific calculations on that Kate could only just about understand but the thing that caught here eye was that there had been a bombing by an eco-terrorist group called Mother Earth's Warriors, Kate let her head fall into her hands. The last thing she needed was a bunch of hippies turning nasty.
Kate turned off her computer, she could finish her work off in the morning what she needed now was a nice cup of tea and a warm bath.
She gathered up her things and walked out of the lab hanging her white coat on the coat stand on the way out.

So what do you think? will Kate die in a tragic car crash or will Mother Earth's Warriors come and destroy the lab. You tell me and I might use some of the good ideas.
Nice comments only or I will delete them.
PLease Comment.


Comments

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KuroiYashaKuroiYasha

2008-04-29 15:14:31

Katie will die in a car crash, no one will know password to her computer and accidentaly counting to explosion will be activated.

Don't influence by it. I like tragic stories. I know you can write much better story than me :)

archex responds:

Thanks thats a cool idea but I was thinking maybe kidnap...


Swordstick76Swordstick76

2008-05-01 18:22:50

I don't need this offensivly or anything, but it isn't very interesting. Yes, It grabs the reader's interest, but it ain't interesting enough to hold the interest. It needs more discription, that's what it needs...

stuff liek:

It had been a long hard journey for Kate from the protestors outside the germ lab with placards saying things like: TREAT HUMANS AS HUMANS and the newspapers with headlines such as DISEASE BOMB PUTTING POPULATION IN UNEASE BOMB.
She had laughed when she read the title.

Instead:

Kate thought back to this morning when she had some diffuculty in pursuading a large man to let her through into the building. In retrospect, kate thought, it was kind of amusing. The people out there where protesting the work she was doing in here, and they were standing out there with large posters yelling slogans out to the crowd. "TREAT HUMANS AS HUMANS" read one, and Kate smiled knowingly to the small, ginger haired man carrying it and passionately displaying it out to the public. "DISEASE BOMB PUTTING POPULATION IN UNEASE BOMB!" Yelled another sign at her. She smiled while thinking of that one, it had made her crack-up, which made the man carrying it rather angry... She had hurried into the lab after that.

You see what i mean? It's kind of hard to explain, but you need to write more fluently and use bigger words (the bigger, the better, it makes your reading sound good).

Just trying to give some pointers here. Please don't destroy my comment, I worked hard to try and help improve your writing. PLEASE!

archex responds:

ok maybe it does need some more detail.
I will take all this ito consideration.
Thanks.


ATOMICCLOUDATOMICCLOUD

2008-05-02 11:34:42

I kinda agree with Swordstick76. It is a really cool idea, but try and fit in more describing words(and a couple more full stops).
Also, try and not mention the bomb, make people think "What's this thing under the British Channel?".
Otherwise, pretty nice :)

archex responds:

thanks